Or when it doesnt really get hard, does the throbbing stop also in men? All the way. The gender doesnt matter here, but if you have trust issues, its eventually going to lead to resentment. Got thru menopause with that help. I guess. For fucks sake man. My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Lowered estrogen can also cause her libido to lag. Be grateful you were able to find someone in life to love and be loved by, many of us take this for granted not realizing how many lonely people there are out there who were never as lucky as we have been. No way not ever. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. Hi Mary She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. For the writer of this letter/question . I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? Is like 5 times a year.! It isnt about the phone or computer. I feel like its just my life now. Yet we are burdened with the biologically and Darwinian drive to procreate. Being a mom is a 24-7 job with a constant cycle of happiness, stress, and worry. my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. Although he acts like he doesnt notice and maybe he dont. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. I ask why she said it is just how it is. Especially because . Even without your wife, seeing a therapist will help you learn how to communicate with her, and give you new ways of looking at your marriage and strategies for coping. It took many years and visits to a lot of therapists to find out why I couldnt perform sexually with my wife during our 30 year marriage. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. I like to think there is hope but unsure. My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? During our engagement I made it crystal clear that my sex drive was high & she was the perfect woman to relieve it. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. This is relevant for anyone with anxiety about their body (which, unfortunately, is true for the vast majority of women), but it may be particularly relevant for women as they age, go through childbirth, or simply experience changes to their body over time. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. I feel for you for my wife always have said I will make you feel good but then dont try to do anything .. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. Awful!!! Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. I agree with Roger, I get more laughs, and more insight, from the comment section! "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. . I am 66 and my wife is 62. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. It has been 5 very long years for me. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. She just isnt attracted to me. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. Read the first sentence again. If I was younger, much younger I would have more options. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. And its been going that way for years. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. It is possible that a lack of sex may have shifted your focus on physical intimacy whereas a lack of emotional intimacy may be driving your wife away from the idea of sex. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Intimacy isnt about sex, its about being close in more ways than sexually. He is correct, the therapists want you to have hope so they can have the clients, I spent plenty on it and made numerous loving conversations. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. That may be one reasons why so many husbands. Did your husband cheat on you after you stop having sex with him? Very true! Woman think if they dont want a penis inside them that thats it, no sex. 19. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. I cant believe I will be in this misery for the remainder of my life and I am only 55. Depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health issues are all linked to lower libido, as are some antidepressants. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. She apologies oh well. After being away for a month I lay there hoping to speak to to my wife and greet her in the morning after a long nights sleep. I cant hurt her, no way! If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. Id be interested to find out your age. Just curious. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. My wife and I had a beautiful sex life until she started to have complex female problems that resulted in a partial histerectomy and even after the procedure she finds sex very painful. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. Christi do us a favor and explain what you are talking about. * https://disqus.com/admin/universalcode/#configuration-variables I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. Shes the mother of our kids! There is only so much I can fantasize masturbate and flirt. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. I could do as well financially as a single person and there are women who would be happy with what I can provide, both financially and intimately. I just gave up. After my wife lost interest, I told her that we either opened our marriage or divorced. We have been Maries for 26 years. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Only 50 at wits end, I dont want to start over, but I dont want to go another 10 years like this either, I cant talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didnt work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable, Between the undesirable side effects of the meds I take for depression and the unfortunate consequences of menopause, my sex drive is just dead, and I neither care nor have any desire whatsoever to revive it. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. We do love each other though. If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. But my wife was not. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. Each year for three years, she assured me she would seek help from a wholistic doctor, which never happened. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. 18 months later I was told NO sex, by the way we had not had regular sex for near 15 years, and Sexless for near 10. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. People need to be kept warmed up all the time before things can get hot again, they need to feel wanted, appreciated and valued before they actually want sex and are in the mood for sex. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. Look, we have all pretty much aged our of sexual adventurism but our minds refuse to accept it. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? I would divorce him but whats the point. 57mwm here. Our marriage was sexless because I couldnt perform so we started seeing various kinds of Therapists but after 5 years we had no luck. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. Harley I love her to death but cant stand to be around her anymore. Its the only wu to turn this round. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. the you. Hi Theresa, I might even know you, you sound just like someone I know. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! Sorry Mate. Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. . My problem is my husband is still very much interested. For many of us, male and female, the virtue of sex resides in the shared experience. That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. He will not talk about that either. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. We have had a lot of therapy through the years, but even after all this time I feel sexually numbed, completely disinterested and unable to respond.i still feel the need to be held by him and I love him so much, I felt so guilty. Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. What shallow view of the problem. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) What should the husband do. You either need to leave or stay in it knowing that she is sexless towards you. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. Your wife may simply just not want sex as regularly as you do, and she may not even know how important sex is to you. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. I am happy all the time, my hair is twice as thick as it was before, I had urge incontinence, which completely disappeared, it cut my knee joint pain in half, and best of all, I love sex again. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. My wife lost interest in sex years ago. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. Marriage vows are till death do you part. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. I dont know where to start. You need to know. Marriage, at its core, is a compromise that trades each partners strengths to make both better off but at a cost. I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. Stan, We were both virgins when we married. U have no choice but to leave!!! Masturbation in the case of a marriage where one party is no longer interested in having sex and actively resists any overtures along those lines would seem to be the logical course of action. Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, If shes willing, find a therapist who will help you and your wife talk about this and really listen to each otherand if she wont go, go on your own. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. 1 use and money making business on the internet. Career-wise, shes doing better than me, so hes likely out-of-my-league anyway. You begin to see the problem. Is it so horrible for me to want to passionately kiss her if it doesnt even lead to sex? Here are some things that you can try if you want to get intimate with your spouse. This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. Were just a hole for your pole . Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. I also recognize he has no intentions of changing. Fully. Praying for these husbands. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. What about the years of devotion? Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. . Just do it to make her feel good. Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. After having our first child, my wife wasnt thinking about sex at all. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. "Some of the pressure comes from the idea that you 'should' be having sex. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness.
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